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Did you Learn Sales & Marketing from Stewie?

Please take a moment and watch (or even just listen to) this YouTube featuring Stewie from Family Guy:

Family Guy – Lois Mom Mum Mommy

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bEh7KkZUh9w

It all started with a sample, a sample that I never wanted.  The other day I did a speaking gig in a town up the coast and at the end of my presentation I got a phone call that the folks that were late were waiting for me at a local restaurant in that city.  While I was trying to rap things up to meet them and breaking down the stage, a woman hands me a sample of some face cream-washing-whatever-system.   Most women LOVE samples, myself included.  I’m sure if Home Depot or Fry’s Electronics gave samples then men would love them too (and I’m sure smart women would LOVE samples from there too!), but that’s not my point.

I wish I had never opened my hand to accept that sample!  What a migraine machine that started.  It was a time waster like those 20 minute useless packaged sales presentations that suck up 20 minutes of your life you’ll never get back…I know you know the ones.

Then the Stewie like emails started, multiple times per day:

“Did you try it did you try it did you try it did you try it did you try it did you try it did you try it did you try it Did you try it did you try it did you try it did you try it did you try it did you try it did you try it did you try it Did you try it did you try it did you try it did you try it did you try it did you try it did you try it did you try it”

Like you learned your tactics and communication from Stewie.  I workout with the best OCD people on the planet, but this was just bullshit.

I continually responded, usually from the road, “I’m working.”

My clients always come first.

But wait, here’s the denouement, her reply;   “I’m working too. My job is to follow up with people who have agreed to try my products- I don’t force anyone. I don’t oblige you to buy. But by taking a sample you are agreeing to try in a timely fashion and give me feedback.”

That crossed the line.  I’m sure you can instantly imagine my silent two word mental response. I had not agreed to anything!

Oh and that’s not all, if you order now then more time wasting followed.  I knew/know I could have reported her to the customer service dept of her MLM (another time wasting Google search).

I offered to return/ship her sample back to her.

She asked for my address to send me a SASE.  Fuck that.  I was very done here.

My next answer ended it,  “No.You send me the address and I will ship to you.”

Then she sent flowery “Oh it’s a gift” bullshit response.  I deleted her from all my mailing lists and blocked her from my inbox.

Does she think I don’t know anyone in her area code?

Does she think that I don’t know all of her colleagues?

Doesn’t she know that all of her local competitors LOVE this?

and of course like the shirt says, “I am so blogging this.”  What the hell!

I was disappointed because I did want to like her, I did, but oh well.

The other thing that fried my wheaties was did she think that I would fold under pushy bullshitty date-rapey type pressure and buy her crap to regain my peace?  Was that the pushy end game?

There is a better way.  All the loving people that have given me samples will now get priority over her and her brand.

I hope she gets the attention she needs, I wish her well and I maybe someone will gift all her children relentless  barking dogs and drum sets with cymbals.

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